A REASON           TO HOPE

My name is Julie Clinger, and this is my story. It was Tuesday, September 4, 2018, and I was running late for work. I was about to turn down the street that my work was on when I received the call from my niece stating, "Jon doesn't have a heartbeat; they are doing CPR now and will call you when they have one."
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My world came crashing down around me, and all I could do was watch.
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We had just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary three weeks before my world forever changed.
I had about a 45-minute drive to the hospital; they were taking Jon, and 10 minutes of that drive was while my husband didn't have a heartbeat, and I felt like I was suffocating.
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Jon was put on life support and transferred to the ICU. The week was full of monitoring and tests. He was without oxygen to his brain for about 15 minutes, which left his brain swelling and irreversible brain damage. I needed to decide to let my husband live in a vegetative state in a nursing home or decide to take him off life support. Jon and I never talked about what he would want if things came to this; he was only 40 and fit, so we thought we had years. I honestly can't think of anyone who would want to live that way, especially my overly active husband.

So, I decided to take Jon off life support on September 11, 2018. The nurse turned the machine off at 1:43 pm, and he left this world at 1:58 pm with a cause of death of Anoxic Brain Injury due to or because of ventricular fibrillation and cardiac arrest.

I had never experienced losing someone so close to me until Jon. During the week that Jon was in the ICU, there was a revolving door of family and friends coming to visit, so I assumed that would continue for a few months. However, two days after the funeral, I was utterly alone in our home. My girls were older and moved out, and we would get Jon's kids every other weekend, so we were essentially empty nesters. The silence and the loneliness consumed me. Most days and nights were dark for me, and I can tell you there were many days I thought of ending my own life because I couldn't bear the pain anymore. I looked for anything that would offer a moment of relief from the tremendous grief I was feeling.
I also realized that people around me didn't know how to help or what to do or say to make me feel better. I know so many wanted to help but were just unsure of how.

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With this tragedy, I wanted to help as many others as possible going through this tragedy of loss, whether it is a spouse, child, parent, or best friend. Sometimes those that are grieving don't want you to say anything. However, they must know you are there and thinking of them.
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A Reason to Hope is my way to keep my late husband's memory alive and help others navigate their new normal after a tragedy.

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